Tag: Self-acceptance

Unapologetically pink!

Historical romances with happy endings, 

Princesses, ballrooms, and dukes condescending, 

Movies from Disney, books with covers pink, 

These are a few of my favorite things!

There, I said it. I have an ever-growing romance with love stories, a romance which I’m rather coy about, a romance which I suspect is too superfluous for me, a romance whose extent I try to keep under wraps – and treat as a guilty pleasure.

It all started when I turned four and firmly toppled in love with Disney movies. I figure one is expected to leave behind the wide-eyed idealism and belief in the power of Twue Wuv after a certain stage (moody and misunderstood teenage seems about the right stage for that). While I like to think I’m a little more worldly-wise and cynical now, I can’t deny that a big part of me still lives in the world of make-believe.

Eventually I started getting my daily dose of Happy Endings from romcoms and romance novels (there are only a finite number of Disney movies after all). But I’ve always felt that loving love isn’t something I should be too vocal about – when people ask me what I like, I usually prattle off a list of books and authors carefully chosen from other genres, but it takes a lot more guts to ‘fess up to my addiction to romance. My reasoning being that I’m a smart well-educated scientist being trained to deal with facts, logic, and rational thought, and I ought to be reading deeper and more meaningful literature about life, the universe, and everything – real people, problems, and issues at hand as compared to the romance genre, which has no great literary plot devices, is rather frivolous and ANY person can read and understand. Romance has become my ultimate secret indulgence.

But you know what? All that ends right now. The truth is: I don’t love romance in spite of being a rational scientist, but because I am a rational scientist. Because I’m supposed to deal with cold hard facts, believe only what is tangible and quantifiable, reason out conclusions based in logic and critical analysis … perhaps my profession is all the more reason to seek escape is frivolous romance with its unrealistic tales of impulsive (and frankly, implausible) courage, perfectly imperfect protagonists and guaranteed happy endings.

And yes, it’s not just the unrealistically wonderful parts which I love but also the seemingly insurmountable obstacles. Something bewildering, a feeling of hopelessness, of pain which keeps the female lead struggling for several chapters. While that makes me ache, it reminds me that problems exist, no matter what universe one inhabits. And even that is satisfying because I know that somehow the power of love will overcome it all. There’s a sense of reassurance that if right now your life is going through hardships, if it’s not making you laugh and smile and joyful to the brim … well, that’s because your story is still going on. These are your Seemingly Insurmountable Obstacles to overcome, and with time, effort, and determination borne of love or revenge or just a burning desire to prove oneself – you will reach your Happy Ending.

So yes, since this is the month of love, I figured I’d jump onto the bandwagon and proclaim mine: love stories, my love for love stories, and ultimately self-acceptance and love. To accept the person I am, accept the silly frivolous side of me along with the rational one, and to love myself, just the way I am. To stop worrying and over-analyzing the kind of person I ought to be, the kind of things I should be interested in – to cut myself some slack and live the way I want to, love the way I want to. I’m pretty certain self-acceptance is the right step on the path to my happily ever after. I’ll make sure of that.

My colorful journey

When I was a little girl, my favorite color was always green. Light green, dark green, sea green, teal, lime green, emerald … every shade except for olive-green – was my ‘bestest best color in the world’. Those were the days when I’d buy only green toothbrushes and dream of living in Greenland (yes, yes, I knew it’s covered in ice. But oh, the name!)

This complete fascination for green undoubtedly stemmed from my unswerving loyalty to my school house, which was represented by this particular color. I’d wear a green badge and proudly represent my house (it was named Bhabha, after one of the most prominent scientists India has ever had) in inter-house competitions like quizzes and group songs. It was my house, my color. Green forever!

Unfortunately, forever lasted just a few days till after I was shuffled into Tagore House, whose color was blue. Although this kind of reshuffling occurred ever school year, I’d somehow managed to remain in one house for six years straight. And after being put in Tagore, though I tried my best to still love green, well … the people who now wore green were my rivals. They were the people whom I had to defeat. And look down upon. And defeat! If I supported green any longer, then indirectly I’d be supporting them.

After all, blue is a nice color too, right? It’s the hue of the sky, which is serene and content, and so incredibly vast … and of the seas and oceans, which have always attracted me (or is it just me? Doesn’t each and every one of you just long to go to the seaside … for the beach, the waves, the immense power of the water?).

But what really clinched the deal was that the Indian cricket team were the ‘Men in Blue’ … and that was quite, quite enough to make blue my favorite color. Hence, blue it was for the next few years. After a while, it became kind of reflexive … if anyone asked me which color I liked the most, pat came the reply, blue. No conscious thought involved.

Which makes it kind of surprising that now it’s purple which makes my day. You see, at some point I realized I like pink as well … and I don’t like to like pink, because it’s oh-so-girly! It’s right up there with Barbie dolls, and ‘cho chweet’s and ‘he’s so cute …’ and I was NEVER that girl!

It’s been commercialized and marketed and projected : Girls = Pink. And so I rebel against liking pink … but in a small hidden and buried part of my mind, I can’t help it. Which is why … I settled for purple. It has a little pink, to indulge in cute girly-ness, and a little blue, for the sane, calm, rational side of me (yes, I do have one). Purple is just the right blend. It varies from lavender and lilac to deep royal purple … plus, it’s the color of the wrapper of Dairy Milk chocolate. Case closed!

So now, I’ll have purple earrings and purple water bottles. But I also own an adorable pink jacket and a blue pencil-case. And I’ll always have a soft spot for green. I guess all those colors can live in harmony inside my heart after all. And I can look inside and choose … whether I’m feelin’ blue, or in the pink of health, or any other color at all.